You have watched the videos. You know what a safe word is. And on a Tuesday evening you still have no idea what to actually do, or how to bring it up without making it weird.
One minute. At the end you know what you actually want, what is off the table for good, and you have something to do about it this week.
There is plenty of information. What is missing is someone who tells you what to do next, and where the line is.
This is it
The assignments are written for a submissive woman and the man who leads her. Most have a version for doing it alone and one for doing it together, so it works whether you are the one handing them out or the one doing them.
Not yet
I wrote a full year for that side of the dynamic. It is being prepared on its own, because it is a different thing and it deserves to be treated as one. Better than selling you the wrong half today.
I have been on the receiving end for six years. That is why these read like instructions and not like theory.
Not a course. A library of assignments, each with a time, an intensity and a version for doing it alone or together. You get one a week, and never one outside the limits you set.
Before anything else you fill in the list: 130 things, and for each one whether you have done it, how much it turns you on, and how scary it feels. Giving and receiving are scored separately, because they are not the same thing.
Something can be exciting and terrifying at the same time. That is exactly where people get stuck, and a normal yes-or-no list cannot see it.
You never see an assignment that falls outside what you marked.
Get my first assignmentEight questions, about a minute. Free, and no account needed.
Becoming BDSM's dr. Ruth Westheimer. Making BDSM normal.
I have been teaching this for six years. Not as a dominant explaining how to lead, but as the person on the receiving end explaining what actually lands. That is why my video for beginning dominants is the one people keep sending to each other.
I think one of the best paths to become a good Master is to let a sub train you.
Real comments under my videos. Click one to watch what it was about.
I am new to having defining roles like this. My partner asked me to be their dom. I am excited but terribly nervous, because I am nervous I will be too reserved in my demands or actions. Any tips to get over that, or to do it properly?
You are so free when you are talking about BDSM. I envy you. I cannot do that where I live. I would be judged, and probably disowned by my family.
I am a 55 year old male from Australia. I have never been into kink, but I came across your videos about a week ago and I have become completely fascinated by your attitude towards sex.
This helped me as a sub learn what to look for in a dom. I am new to bdsm but I enjoy it. Could it be worked into normal relationships too, like if you were to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or married?
I have never been in a relationship like this, at least I hope I have not without realizing it. But I am learning what it is. No judgement. Thank you for this lesson.
Not guessed at. Known, because they wrote it down and so did you, and because you did eight small things instead of reading about a hundred.
What actually happens
Week 1 two evenings
Before anything starts. A safe word, a signal for when speaking is not possible, and one dry run so it is not theory. Then you both fill in the limits list, separately.
Week 2 a minute a day
Not in the bedroom. Something ordinary, once a day, for a week. It sounds like nothing and it changes the whole week, because it is the first time you are both carrying the same thing at the same time.
Week 3 twenty minutes
The smallest possible version of that: one sense gone, twenty minutes, nothing else changes. Chosen from what you both marked, so it is never a surprise to either of you.
Week 4 one evening
By now you know what lands. This week you write the assignment instead of getting it, and that is the point where people stop looking things up and start deciding.
The 8 programs, bought one by one€1,598
€197once, and it stays yours
Start the thirty daysOne payment. After the first year, weekly assignments continue for €27 a month if you want them. The library stays yours either way.
If nothing changes, you pay nothing
Do the eight assignments. If in thirty days you are no closer to each other than you were, say so and you get your money back. One line in an email is enough, and you do not have to explain what did or did not happen.
I am a 42 year old single mom who managed to create the most amazing relationship ever, via BDSM. I learned how to trust and how to be free via my submission.
The whole library opens. Programs I sold one at a time for six years, at the prices people actually paid for them.
Three months to put the heat back into a relationship that went quiet. Written for couples who have been together long enough to notice.
7 assignments
Fifty-two assignments, one a week, each with a version for alone and for together. This is the core of what I do.
30 assignments9 with video
Thirty days, step by step, with a video for every one of them. Her most technical program and the only one on a daily rhythm.
27 assignments26 with video
Where you start when you have just worked out that this is for you. Seven steps, nothing heavy, everything explained.
26 assignments16 with video
The same shape, turned up. For people who already worked through the first year.
3 assignments2 with video
How to find someone who is into this too, without having to explain yourself on a dating app.
1 assignments1 with video
The gentle way in. Short assignments of fifteen minutes to an hour, none of them needing anything you have to buy.
10 assignments
The mirror assignment and what comes after it. For anyone who cannot look at themselves yet.
1 assignments1 with video
On your own
You walk into the next conversation already knowing your own answers. No being put on the spot, no agreeing to something because you had not thought about it yet.
With a partner
You each fill it in separately and then only see where you overlap. Not their whole list, only the matches. That is the conversation almost nobody manages to have.
No. Most people who find me are new. The first assignments are soft on purpose: talking, writing, small rituals. Nothing that needs equipment, experience or nerve.
Then start alone. Everything works solo. The limits list is also the easiest way to open the conversation, because you both fill it in separately and only compare what you both marked.
Only you, and your partner if you link accounts. No real name needed, the charge on your statement is discreet, and one button deletes everything.
No. The videos explain. The assignments make you do. What you pay for is the order: what to do, when, inside your limits, one week at a time.
No. Most of it is written for the person leading. That is where the questions come from, and it is the part almost nobody teaches from the other side.
